I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
