: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
