He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
