1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
