she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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