I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
