but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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