At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
