Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
