I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
