highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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