I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
