Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
