dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
