Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
