how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
