If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
