He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw a hot homeless man
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
