I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
