I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
