What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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