I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
