Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize