shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
