Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
