addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
