if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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