I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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