you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
did you just send me my own nude
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
