She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize