That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
