a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
