So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
