I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
