i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize