Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
