its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
