i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
