Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
