why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
