i jhust puked up my retainher.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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