thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
