two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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