what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
