Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize