john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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