so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
