He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
