I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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