Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
only you would photoshop your dick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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