I didn't shave. On purpose
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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