that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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