I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
