Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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