in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
