ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
