I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
