i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
