so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize