I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
