my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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