I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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