i jhust puked up my retainher.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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