Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
