Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
