Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Even my vagina gasped.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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