I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
