so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
