Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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