Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
